Ok, so this is a little dated as far as up-to-the-minute news goes, but I'm sporting a hoodie today and was thinking about the Fine Gael TD Michael Noonan's recent call for shopping centres to ban people wearing hoodies from their premises.This man used to be our Minister for Health. Anyway, here's some satire:

Fine Gael TD: Hoodies fast becoming the new root of all evil


Fine Gael TD Michael Noonan has revealed that his call for a ban on the wearing of hoodies in shopping centres is only one of a wide range of measures he has formulated to counter shoplifting and anti-social behaviour. The Limerick TD also advocates the banning of hats, backpacks, long hair and pockets.

“All of these things facilitate shoplifting; long haired youths can easily conceal their faces from CCTV cameras by using their hair as a kind of curtain. Hats can be used in a similar way. Backpacks are commonly used as a receptacle for stolen goods. Trouser, jacket and especially hoodie pockets also provide convenient storage space to the shoplifter.”

Despite these additional proposals, the banning of hoodies remains top of Mr Noonan’s agenda. Elaborating on his earlier comments on the link between the wearing of hooded tops and anti-social behaviour, he said “Money’s days as the root of all evil are numbered; hoodies are well on their way to becoming the primary well-spring of anti-social behaviour and general malevolence.”

The former Fine Gael leader believes that, apart from concealing the identities of trouble-making youths, hoodies actually imbue their wearers with a powerful mischief-making impulse. “We’ve heard a lot about how alcohol transforms people. People who wear hoodies undergo a similar transformation. They often can’t help themselves from rampaging through the streets when they’ve the hoodie on them.”

Deputy Noonan also admitted that he himself had once owned a hoodie, which he wore while exercising. “But I burned it long ago, thank God” he said.

Seán Kenny