Claptrap

You know that brief awkward silence when you're at a gig and a song has just finished, or at least you think it has ( fake song-endings are funny; some people always clap. The smugness of the hardcore/saddo fans, who've held their applause, is almost palpable) . There's a moment before anyone has started to applaud when it's within the realms of possibility that no one will actually applaud at all because nobody wants to be the first person to clap. Someone has to be the first person to applaud. This can be a little awkward. At a recent concert, I was the first person to applaud on two occasions. I just had to break the silence. For about a second I was the lone idiot clapping away while cooler people waited for others to join in before they too expressed their appreciation manually.

Clapping properly whilst holding a pint is also hard. In fact, it's well-nigh on impossible to show your appreciation for the band whilst simultaneously safeguarding your drink. You can clap wholeheartedly and spray everyone with your beer, or you can refrain from applause and keep your drink within the snug confines of its glass.

There is an alternative, though. Apologies to my Zen readers, but this is called:

The sound of one hand clapping

Sorry, but there is such a thing. Simply flick your fingers against your palm in rapid, successive motions. It's not a very loud sound, granted, but it's a noble compromise between the basic human need to connect with others and the even more basic need not to spill your beer.